How we perceive/act in relationships is largely influenced by the way we’re brought up.
We internalise our parents and partners projections.
- Make 4 columns; two for your guardians, one for your recent partner & one for you.
*In your first three columns, make a list of 10 negative traits and 10 positive traits that each person exhibits .
In your Self column, write the traits that you identified in your parents & lover that you also find within you.
You also can write down the traits you have that differ from theirs that you feel you may have developed as a result of their traits:
1.What do you think your parents/parental figures may have wanted you to achieve by now? Have you fallen short of any of their expectations? How does that make you feel?
2. What would your IDEAL relationship with your parents/parental figures be? How does your relationship now differ from the relationship you desire?
Is there any way you can improve your relationships with your parents/parental figures?
3. In what ways can you use your negative experiences with your parents/parental figures to improve your relationships with other important people in your life such as your children, close friends, relatives and lovers.
4. Write about a time you were heartbroken by a romantic partner. What happened and how does that event affect you now? Have you carried that heartbreak into other relationships? Have you healed or are you healing?
5. In what ways do you feel your relationship with your parents and their positive & negative traits are reflected in your choice of romantic partners and close friends?
6.Think of a time someone you love hurt you. If you could say anything to that person right now, what would you say?
7. Is there a recurring theme in your romantic partnerships that seem to result in conflict, break-up or have a repetitive negative outcome? Why do you think this theme so often reoccurs? What inner-work or external change can keep this theme from occurring again?